twinge of happiness.

Disclaimer: before you read this, this is just a product of boredom and my playful imagination. I have this dream of being a writer and through my little notes, I hope I get to release the writer juices in me. :) Let me know your thoughts. This one is just too sad to read. I felt sad too when I've read it again. Oh love.

PS. You can check nostalgicbridgette in wattpad if you want to wallow in sadness and tears. haha!

It was one Wednesday night, everyone is too busy to care. It was an ordinary night and people are just busy preparing for dinner, or perhaps going home from work. She has nothing on her to do list, nothing but to be with him. They just had our early dinner, and she thought their night is over. Then he grabbed his hand, "come with me, I will show you something." She obliged. she went up his house and followed him. 

"This is my secret paradise. Look up there." And from that moment, she knew, it was a night she will never forget. He showed her the stars and the dark sky. "You are the first person that I brought here". It was quite a surprise for her to feel that way. What was so special about a roof top? No fancy dinner, no romantic music. Nothing extra ordinary, except what she felt. For a moment, even just for that night, she felt, everything was so perfect. 

It was very sweet and yet very painful for her. It has always been like that. Perfect. Except for timing. Like what they say, timing is such a b*tch. He always had her and she always had him. In their little perfect world. They are always busy building memories. Bittersweet memories to bury when their time is up. Only God knows when. She just couldn't take it. The pain is just unbearable that she is trying her best to prolong the inevitable. They both know where they're going, but they choose to stay. Timing was indeed a b*tch, it has always been too little too late. If there is one thing that is keeping them alive, that is they cannot take the little sand castle of happiness that they have built. Behind the uncertainty are little sparks of magic. Magic that kept them alive. And that... is more than enough.

today.

Today, I've said my last goodbye. that's what I told myself. I saw you in my dreams last night. we were so happy... and free. In my little world we can be together, no ifs, no buts. right time, right circumstances, right love. I felt your hand touching mine. I kissed your soft lips, hugged you so tight. and then I woke up, and thought, I have to let you go... again. 

It was the perfect love back then, (or so I thought.) we're young, happy and inlove. We're each other's firsts. First kiss, first love, but then again, I never thought, it would be my first heartbreak too. Ours was a love story I imagined I would have. You were so damn perfect that I believed in forever... in you. You taught me a lot of things, not just in love, but in life. You taught me how to patiently wait, to persevere, to work hard for my dreams... for ours. I have learned to accept my flaws, and yours, because to me, you are perfect... perfect for me. We were quite young back then, and so I waited for years, only to find out that time is just to short for us to keep.

You have your reasons, and I'd like to believe they are for the best. We're not meant to be. Right place, right love, but probably not and will no longer be the right time. I loved you too much, I know you loved me that much too. It is just that time had been so cruel, that it never allowed me to give everything to you. But thank you for sharing your life with me, at least we have shared something that we can never get back... memories.

Now I see you happy, successful and proud as you'll never be. Time was your best friend, it proved you it's worth all the decisions that you have made. And today, just like any other day, I've said my last goodbye.

Rest in peace, courageous Caitie.

This morning, I received a really sad message that got my mother's heart really sad. For all you know, I have been praying for Caitie Lucas (see her facebook page here) and her tough battle against leukemia. It all started with an online group in facebook. I do not know the family personally, it just so happen that we both belong to a group and I have been following her since then. At first, it was an unknown disease that started to make her weak. She's a tough girl though. I've been seeing her cheerful smile and her positive attitude to fight. The family decided to go to Singapore to have her cured. And so they found out that it was a rare form of leukemia. Ever since I've known about all of these, I have been one of her prayer warriors. 

And just this morning, I've reading messages from friends asking me to pray for her. And so I asked the whole Aldub nation for prayers, because I want her to be healed. But they said she's not doing well this morning. I am having my training and a few hours after, a friend told me she joined our Creator, And then I was not able to control my tears from falling. I went to the restroom and cried. I do not know why but it hit me really hard. As a mom, I cannot imagine myself in Feliz's shoes. But it was indeed a great fight for them. I've seen how strong their faith is! And now that Caitie is in a better place, I know it is really hard for them to live without her. 

When I got home, I hugged my son really tight. And then tears fell down again. I got really scared. It is an unexplainable feeling of a mother. I cannot imagine losing my son, or just the thought of losing him kills me. I just started working just this week and I am having separation anxiety every morning. Caitie had been a wake up call not just to me but to a lot of parents out there to show their love to their families before its too late. 

I know that this is really a hard time for Caitie's family. But I hope they know that Caitie had been an inspiration to a lot of people. A lot of people (including myself) had been touched by Caitie and her family's faith and trust with Lord's will. The family may have lost a daughter, but heaven gained an angel. 

Caitie, look over your mom, dad and little brother. They are indeed very blessed have you. And now that it's time for you to rest, help them to heal. May you rest in peace. Now you can color your books and play without tubes and meds. No more pain.

Sending my condolences and prayers to Caitie and her family during this difficult time.

(photo grabbed from her facebook page)

“Mom, why do the best people die?”
“When you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick?”
“The most beautiful ones.”
~Unknown

Japan pa more!

Has it been more than a month since I updated my blog?? Touched naman ako that I've been reading comments and dms asking me when will I post again. So dahil napressure na talaga ako *(chos!), I feel like I owe everyone a post like this. I'd like to share our recent Japan slash holiday trip. 

We're really not the traveling type of family. If I can remember our last trip (before this) was US and Hongkong, ten years ago. Ang tagal na diba? So I'm quite surprised that nanay and tatay decided to celebrate christmas and new year. I think the main reason is, we missed Meng so much because we did not get to see her often unlike before. Thank God for holidays that she had a break from all her work and spend time with the whole family. Plus I'm so proud of my little Matti because he survived the winter weather in Japan in such a young age!(and when I say young, I mean 3 months old!)

One word to describe our trip? Shopping! We never visited a temple and spent the whole trip to go to outlets, shopping districts, designer stores (window shopping lang dito hehe) and the like. My favorite store? Don Quijote! It's a huge shopping building that you get to buy everything! Of course, hello kitty overload!:) We went to Tokyo and Osaka just to shop. 

Here are some snaps during our trip. :)

 

kawaii yaya! haha

                            

lovers in tokyo!

  

sibling love :)

much love,

Niki