Preggo Diaries week 16.

Last Sunday, I just reached my 16th-week/4 months mark!:) I have a little mini heart attack story (actually stories) to share this time. As I have mentioned in one of my previous posts, I had my 4th prenatal check up last Wednesday. Our ob (which happens to be my husband's aunt) had an operation so we have to wait for her to arrive. We waited for an hour but that's my favorite day of the month, so I didn't mind waiting for her. 

After an hour, she arrived and as always, we had our check up. She asked me to lie down, and my most favorite part of the check up? Doppler time! I know we'll be having a naughty baby as early as now. Because when she checked the heartbeat, I've heard her say "bakit nawala?" I almost panicked! After a few seconds, we heard bacon's fast and loud heartbeat! Anak pinakaba mo si mommy! It is a big relief for me, because I've been hearing a lot of sad big M stories before my check up. So the day before that, I've been bugging my husband if he thinks that our baby is okay. He is the most optimistic person in the world, and I am so happy that he never gets tired of listening to my endless worries. I also gained a few pounds, but I'm not complaining. Everything for the health of the baby!:)

And now for the second worry that's bugging me for the past week. Recently I'm having colds especially at night. And then I found out that I got a swollen lymph node under my jaw. Not painful but it bothers me, now that I'm pregnant! I've been asking for a doctor who can help me regarding this, as it might affect our baby. John said that's nothing, it's just that my body is fighting some infections but I didn't listen because I'm a worrywart just like that. So last Saturday, I visited an EENT doctor to have myself checked. Thank goodness, my husband is right, it's just a swollen lymph node because of some colds that I got few weeks ago. Now it's still swollen, but definitely smaller than it is before. No more panic mode days!

This morning, I originally planned to wear my favorite pair of pants. And to my surprise, I am already having a hard time putting them on! I mean, it still fits, but it's tighter than it used to be. :( My tummy is indeed getting bigger each day. In that note...

I'm sharing a shameless selfie that I got last Sunday when I turned 16 weeks. I got eyebags, no make up, no filter and I'm in my most comfortable "pantulog". I've got a growing belly, growing appetite and some hormonal episodes every single day. I feel really ugly and haggard almost everyday. But I don't mind, not at all. Because I know I got the best blessing that I woman could have. I am chosen by God to make a miracle happen! And with that, I will forever be thankful. That is why I'm trying my best to take good care of myself. :)

much love,

God's love is amazing.

It was indeed a very tiring leave yesterday, because it's my monthly check up again. But let me skip that first for a more important realization in my life today. Last night John decided to leave his car in Manila so that he can drive for me home. He said "ayoko nang umuwi at magdrive ka magisa, pagod ka na." I am almost four months pregnant with an active baby and I drove the whole day yesterday, and it was indeed really tiring. We arrived home a bit late. At first I am planning to sleep immediately, but maybe it has been a routine for us to talk before we sleep about anything under the sun. And last night's topic was... our baby's name! I know my baby will hate me for the rest of his/her life if we'll name him/her bacon, so I said we shall think of better names, something the baby will never be ashamed of. We've decided to name the baby "Anita Anastacia" if she'll be a baby girl. (named after our beloved grandmothers) but if it will be a boy, I honestly do not have any ideas in mind. Oh, but John said we can name him "Juan Carlos" (named after him of course) but I said it's too close to John Carlos so we can still think of other names. I don't know why I suggested Fabaroti, and Juancho Miguel (telenovela-ish) and other funny names! My husband must be really amazed that he's now calling the baby Fabaroti! Oh baby, we love you so much that we're thinking of the best name to give you! ;)

So we slept late last night and I woke up a bit later than usual this morning. I was too tired to wash the dishes last night, so I told John let me do that today because I want to rest. And then he said okay. He woke me up this morning with sweet kiss telling me that he'll be leaving already. It's also starting to be a habit for him to listen to my tummy (and claiming that he's hearing the baby) and to kiss it to say goodbye not just to me but to baby. I find it sweet (and I know our baby does too) that he/she is loved as early as now. I even talk to him/her everyday, and telling our munchkin to just be healthy and hold on. Pregnancy is not an easy journey, but no worries, it is indeed a privilege to be bearing a child.

And so he left the house and after a few minutes, I went down to get ready for work. And to my surprise, the dishes are already clean and the hot water is ready! (I only use hot water when taking a bath) I almost cried because of too much happiness. This might be really usual and "mababaw" to some, but to me, it is a very meaningful act of kindness. Again I am just reminded of how God destined me to spend the rest of my life with someone who will take good care of me. In fact, I felt more special when I got pregnant. He cooks for me, cleans the house and do everything so I can rest. Sorry but I am not really a home buddy so doing chores is not really my thing. I'd rather work in the office all day than doing that. But God gave me a very loving husband that he is willing to do everything for me.

I immediately sent John a text message thanking him for loving me unconditionally. And as always, I am showered with sweet words from him. John is God's reminder that happiness is not measured by the material things that one can have. Rather, happiness is sharing your life with someone who will never let you feel you are alone.

Here's one of my favorite e-session photos that we had a few years back. A constant reminder of how happy we are having each other. :)

much love,

Preggo diaries week 15.

Hello everyone! I know it's a bit late to start, but I decided to update my blog every week regarding my pregnancy. It has been a good decision for me to track down my wedding preps, because I know I can vividly recall everything about our wedding last year. And now that I am about to enter the journey of motherhood, I also want my baby bacon to know joys (and hardships) that we've been through just to have him/her. From my ttc journey up to my pregnancy, I have nothing but gratitude to the Big Guy up there who gave us the best gift a married couple can ask for.

So to start (But I'm not really sure if it's good to start with a rant, haha), let me share my pregnancy diary for my 14th week. I am more than happy that I survived the most critical stage of pregnancy (first trimester). Although there are still episodes of morning sickness, I am lucky enough not to experience the extremes of this phase. So what's new last week? Apart from my growing bump, I am starting to feel itchy! Hello stretch mark threats! I can also feel that my tummy is starting to stretch, feeling ko medyo banat na yung tummy area ko! Is it too early to start feeling this way? I am getting used to some comments about my bump (telling me that it is bigger than usual) because the health of my baby is the most important thing in the world for me right now. It is just too annoying that sometimes, my tummy gets too itchy that it's hard for me not to scratch!

My solution?

Palmers lotion! My best friend gave this to me as a birthday gift and I have been using it since last week. It's really hard for me to religiously apply lotion twice a day, since I am not the vain type. In fact, I cut my hair short to save some shampoo and conditioner. :P I cannot give any feedbacks regarding this product except for the fact that it smells like cocoa/chocolate. And believe it or not I do not eat chocolates so it's kinda weird for me to smell cocoa!:P Let's see after the baby comes out. Hopefully I can also have a decent product review based on experience. :)

PS. I will be having my 4th month prenatal check up on Wednesday. I am so excited to hear baby bacon's heartbeat again! :)

much love,

It doesn't really go away...

The good side of having a blog is that you can vent and share your thoughts whenever you want to. (Just remember to be a responsible blogger because you know, there's this anti-cybercrime law. :P) Anyway, I just had some few realizations yesterday and I want to share it to everyone. I also want to know if there's anyone who can relate with what I've been through.

So I'm a fan of the tv series "forevermore" and after watching an episode online showing how Xander thinks of the happy memories that he had with Agnes, a lot of memories flashed back too! (Call me an emo, I'm such a sucker for romantic songs and shows!) And so a trip to memory lane came handy.

It's not a secret to most of my friends that I came from a very traumatic relationship few years back. Before I met my husband, I got my heart broken into tiny pieces, so tiny that I thought I wouldn't be whole again. (Oops, before we move on, I am writing this not because I am bitter, but somehow I want to share what I've been through. No ill feelings, pinky promise.) I was so devastated when I lost something I thought I could keep for the rest of my life. Well, we're not really meant to be for each other. I would lie if I'll say it didn't hurt that much. God knows how I wished to heal as quick as possible. I suffered sleepless nights, puffy eyes and shower scenes. Daig ko pa si Popoy! It hurts. It hurts big time.

And then there came my husband who fixed everything that hurt. My husband made me believe that I can be okay, I will be okay, and finally I am okay. And so we got married, (and expecting a baby), had the best time of our lives, and moved on. I thought the pain disappeared because finally, I know I am already healed. Guess I was wrong.

Yesterday, when I thought of these things, of how painful it was before, I realized, the pain is still there. It's been what, five, six years? And yes, the pain never really went away. It's still here. But you know what? It doesn't hurt anymore. The pain lives inside my little heart, but I'm used to it. I guess, when you had your heart broken, scars will be there, and it will forever be there. Just like before. The good news is, you'll be okay. You know how much it hurts but you're okay. It will just be a painful memory of a closed chapter of your life. Just like what happened to me.

And every time I remember my painful past, I will be thankful that it happened because it led me to where I am today.


much love,

My Bump, my bump, my bump, my bump my bump!

Hello errbody! Ang ganda ng title ko diba? (corny din.) Anyway, I just want to give share to some other moms to be how I've been feeling lately. So I've been really active in an online forum regarding my pregnancy. It was just comforting to know that there are also expectant moms who shares the excitement, the joys and the fears of being a first time mom. I'm approaching my 14th week already and I must say that I get used to the feeling of being worried. Sometimes I want to go inside my tummy to check if my baby is fine. The last time I saw him/her was during my ultrasound @ 6 weeks, to check if baby bacon's heart is beating. And like what I have shared here, I have such a healthy baby! No sub chronic hemorrhage, and the rest of the findings are some medical terms that I can no longer comprehend. :P the sonologist said the baby is fine and as a mom (soon!), it means more than my life.

A lot of people in the forum are saying that their bump is too small. Like they still do not have the "legit" baby bump @ 20 weeks. And me?

That's how I looked like last week @ 12 weeks. Quite big, eh? And so I get comments like "sigurado ka bang 3 months pa lang yan? ang laki eh." Sometimes I want to tell them that ay opo, sigurado po ako kasi bilang po namin ng asawa ko kung kelan kami ng BD. But of course I didn't tell them that. At first I get offended, but then I realized, this is my body and I know nothing is wrong having a baby bump this early. My OB said I have nothing to worry about. I am also surprised that since my first month of pregnancy up to the third, I did not gain any weight at all! As in. Now I'm keeping my fingers crossed to maintain that weight until I give birth. If I will be gaining some pounds, that should be my baby's weight. Aja! I have been in the extremes of being so thin and so fat and I don't want to go back to those stages again! :P So another thing that kept me going now? Deadma na sa nega vibes about my pregnancy! I am claiming that I will have a healthy and normal baby, no comment can make me feel the other way! :)

much love,

Happy BIrthday to me! :)

So I just celebrated my 27th birthday yesterday. I filed a leave from work just because I don't want stress on my birthday and crying isn't really my thing yesterday. I just wanted to celebrate and be happy that God gave me another year! I feel a bit bad that my husband is working that day (we have this unwritten agreement to spend our birthdays together), but thank God he finished work a bit earlier so he spent some time with me. :)

I just had an ordinary day yesterday. I decided to dropped by my favorite church, (Quiapo church), where I prayed hard for this little bacon growing inside my tummy. The church is so meaningful to me that it has been my sanctuary when I feel like I will never have a boyfriend after a very traumatic heartbreak. And now, I have a very supportive and loving husband and we're expecting a baby this year. What more can I ask for?

And so after I prayed and had my little thanksgiving, I went near my husband's office to wait. Spent some time alone just to reflect and feel really fortunate to have more than what I deserve. I know I have been very blessed. I also came to the realization that now that we will have our little family, they will be the most important people in my life ever! I will do everything to protect my family and will forever be there for them. I know I can never be ready to be a mom (no matter how hard I prepare) but with God's guidance and my husband's support, things will be easier for me. As early as now, I also feel that I have a very obedient baby (Because when paranoia strikes if the baby is doing well, I talk to him/her and tell him/her to make his/her presence felt, and then after a few hours, I am having nausea attacks again.) and even if I haven't hugged and kissed him/her, I already love her! My husband has also been very caring and loving, baby bacon is lucky he/she will be having an awesome father!

So I just set a simple dinner with few of my closest friends to celebrate. Nothing fancy, just a little something good enough for everyone.

I never have a dull moment with these guys. I had unlimited laughter and nonsense (but fun) stories last night. We may have different paths and priorities now, but I have thankful that we never lost the friendship along the way. Still the same, simple things make us happy! I might have lost some people in the process, I only have a handful of friends whom I share everything with, and I am happy that I stayed with these people. They saw me laugh, cry, cry harder, smiled, and laughed again. :)

And in connection, I am so happy that Joanna gave me a bag of candies! Nerds and other gummy candies! (Alam na talaga mahilig ako sa maasim!) But this is my favorite! Hello kitty and then it's super sour! Haha, ang babaw ko talaga!

Too bad I was not able to take a "welfie" of me and my husband. I just find this picture cute, so I'm posting it now because this guy deserves a shout out. (Warning, extremely mushy post ahead) I know our married life have never been a walk in the park. Trials come along and it had been really hard for someone like me, who always sees the glass half empty when the going gets tough. But having you as the first person I see when I open my eyes and the last person I cuddle before I sleep makes everything easier. I know we will never have everything and sometimes pressure from other people makes our life harder, but your positive outlook towards the life ahead of us helps me to feel that it wouldn't hurt to be positive. You inspire me to be better everyday. You are always there to listen when I rant about emotional stress. You have been my secret keeper, my husband, my best friend. Your love is more than enough for me to keep going. I love you and I will always thank the good Lord for the day that you've sen't me the message "Hi Niki, si John to, kamusta na?". 

Last night, before we sleep, I hugged my husband tight and told him, you are the best gift that God gave me bi. And then he hugged me back, touched my tummy and said, no, this is the best gift. And then I said, "diba bigay mo yan sakin? haha" And then he answered, "si Lord ang nagbigay nyan sa atin." And just like that, I am reminded again of the blessing that God has given us. He had been so good to us that we are having our baby despite the hardships that we experienced before that. Now I have more reasons to give back. :)

And that's all folks, it is indeed one of the simplest birthdays that I had. But it is the most important so far because of this baby growing inside me that will always remind me of how blessed I am.


Much love,

(birthday selfie :P)